Elevating Your Voice: How to Speak with Refinement in a World Full of Crude Humor

 

photo by Alex Caza

 Among the many gifts given to mankind, speech is one of the most powerful; for by it we make known not only our thoughts, but our character. The words a person chooses declare, often more plainly than he intends, the manner of spirit that dwells within him. And in every age the speech of the people reflects the temper of the times, whether for good or for ill.

In these present days, it has become common to hear language spoken lightly which in former years would have been set aside as coarse or unseemly. Words once kept for moments of anger or distress are now used in ordinary conversation, and vulgar expressions are offered in jest where once wit and courtesy would have been thought the better part. Because of this, many feel within themselves a quiet discomfort, though they cannot always say why. They would speak freely, yet they would also keep their dignity, and they find the two not easily joined in the manner now expected.

If you have ever found yourself shrinking from words you once used without thought, or holding your tongue because you expect the speech of others to turn crude, know that you are not alone in this. The habit of careful speech is not lost, though it is less taught than it once was. And like any good habit, it may be learned again by those who desire it.

The first step is to take notice of one’s own words. For many speak carelessly, not from ill intent, but from long custom. There are certain expressions that weaken a person’s presence without his knowing it: oaths spoken for emphasis, coarse jests made for easy laughter, and the idle phrases that fill silence when a moment of thought would serve better. It is a wise practice to mark such habits quietly, and to resolve, little by little, to set them aside. For mastery begins with awareness.

When a word has been put away, another must take its place. Refined speech does not require stiffness, nor does it demand grand or complicated language. It asks only that a person choose words with care, and speak them with intention. A mild exclamation may stand where once an oath was spoken; a thoughtful remark may serve where once a crude joke would have been made; and often the best word is no word at all. Those who hear such speech recognize in it a certain steadiness, and they give it respect without being told to do so.

Yet a person cannot govern the speech of others, and in every company there will be those who speak without restraint. In such moments, the most graceful course is not rebuke, but composure. A quiet nod, a change of subject, or even a thoughtful silence will often say more than correction spoken aloud. By such restraint a person shows that his standards are not shaken by the noise around him, and this in itself sets a boundary that needs no explanation.

It should not be thought that refinement forbids humor, for laughter has its proper place in every well-ordered life. But there is a difference between wit and vulgarity, though the world sometimes forgets it. True wit delights the mind without lowering it. A clever story, a well-chosen comparison, or a remark made with gentle irony will be remembered long after a coarse jest has been forgotten. The one leaves behind a sense of pleasure; the other, too often, a feeling that something has been made smaller than it ought to be.

The habit of good speech is not formed in a day. It is cultivated as a garden is cultivated, by steady care and by patience. Let a person begin with one small change, and keep to it until it becomes natural. Let him read the words of those who write with clarity and dignity, for the ear learns by hearing as the hand learns by doing. And let him take quiet satisfaction in his progress, for each improvement strengthens the next.

In time, the reward of this discipline becomes plain. 

Speech that is measured gives the impression of confidence, for it shows that a person is master of himself. Speech that is precise carries authority, for others listen more closely to one who does not speak at random. And speech that is courteous lends a kind of elegance to the whole manner, so that even simple words seem to have weight.

This is not pretension, as some suppose. It is the outward sign of inward order. When a person chooses his words with care, he shows respect not only for those who hear him, but for himself.

Therefore let every word be spoken as though it mattered, for indeed it does. Speech has the power to wound or to heal, to diminish or to elevate, to bring disorder or to set things right. He who governs his tongue governs much besides.

And it is no small freedom to move through the world with language that is clean, deliberate, and well kept. For such speech draws respect without asking for it, and makes room for conversation that leaves all who take part in it a little the better for having spoken.